I believe that I may have the wrong approach when it comes to starting a diet or if you will, the red meat detox. I’m not sure if it was Danny Bonaduce or one of the zany C-listers from “Celebrity Rehab” who said, “You don’t go to rehab sober,” but I briefly applied that theory to my potential detox the other night as I ate two burritos one night. Now, these burrtios weren’t of the Chiptole style of burritos. Lot of rice, splash of beans, splash of meat. These burritos were real and bursting with delicious pieces of pork; there was no rice, there were no beans, just pork and a hint of guacamole. It was glorious, but it took time, a long time to digest what probably amounted to a quarter of pork butt. Maybe five hours. I went to a birthday party after my delicious burrito disaster and I could barely walk. I felt like I was with child as I slowly moved around. Eventually, the food started to settled and I had room to eat a cupcake that I have to say was better than a Sprinkles cupcake.
My stomach so full the rest of the night that I didn’t even feel up to drink that night. I took a sip or two off a friend’s forty because she was in the midst of a game of Edward Fortyhands and I was just concerned that her forty was going to get warm and taste gross. There’s nothing worse than a warm Miller High Life.
I knew I hit rock bottom and I just assumed that a heart attack could happen before I complete a week long red meat binge. I decided to cook some fish for dinner with a side of rice and salad. It was good, but it left me unsatisfied. I was satisfied that I was able to cook a piece of fish without stinking up the place, but I wasn’t full. I decided to drown my “un-full” sorrows at Yogurtland with Root Beer Float flavored fro yo. The sign said it was non fat, so that’s a good thing, right? Yet at the same time, it seems counter productive when you fill the cup to the brim with yogurt, then cover it with enough oreos bits to make a sugar crazed child pause and informs you of your problem.
It’s all one big slippery slope. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Binges and hopefully no purges.
