In the latest installment of Silly Questions for Smart People, we catch up with Gillian Singletary aka Professional Lush and talk about important things like champagne, dogs, dubstep and Hot Chelle Rae. You can follow her on Tumblr & Twitter. 

What is a cool dog? Are there any certain traits that you look for in a dog?

Dogs transcend cool.  Dogs are fucking amazing.  Like, have you seen that bulldog that wakeboards?  Are you kidding me?  So yeah, I guess wakeboarding skills are definitely a trait I look for.  Also big ears.

Is it possible to have too much Ryan Gosling?

You mean if he got fat or something?  I wouldn’t even mind if he was a little bit fat.

Do you have an English accent? Have others assumed that you have an accent?

I do not have an English accent.  The only people that have assumed that I’ve had an accent would probably be people who met me between January and April of 2005 when I used to fake an accent when I was drunk.  So that wouldn’t have been an out of line assumption on their part.

Follow up question: What’s the worst English accent you’ve ever heard?

Mine would be among them.  

Is there anything worse than a white guy with dreadlocks?

A really tall white guy with dreadlocks drinking Kombucha with his really short girlfriend who is eating cashew cheese.

Why is there a limit on bottomless mimosas?

Champagne is simultaneously the worst and the best.  It makes me feel so so happy for a little while and then it turns on me and makes me feel like I’d rather die than ever stand up again.  In that way, champagne is like all of my ex-boyfriends.

What is a good wine to give as a gift?

Whatever you already have.  Whatever you want to drink.  Whatever has an Australian animal on the label.

Dubstep or a Garbage Truck backing up?

Embarrassing Fact #1: I didn’t know what dubstep was or even that it existed until like 4 months ago.
Embarrassing Fact #2: I learned about dubstep from a guy I met on OKCupid.
Embarrassing Fact #3: That guy doesn’t talk to me anymore.
Embarrassing Fact #4: I like dubstep.

Frozen Custard or Frozen Yogurt?

I love Yogurtland.  I have all the collectible Sanrio spoons.

What’s your favorite line in the Hot Chelle Rae song, “Tonight Tonight”? Also, which guy in Hot Chelle Rae is your favorite?

I definitely like when they say they are going to dance on the edge of the Hollywood sign but since that’s probably, like, so cliche, I’d have to say the part at the end where they go “even the white folks” is my most favorite line. 

After an extensive review of the Hot Chelle Rae website and the members’ bios, I could only choose Nash “NashVegas” Overstreet is my favorite because when asked about his favorite music he says, “One of the best eras was the period of Third Eye Blind, Savage Garden, Smashmouth, Everclear, Paula Cole, Train, The Goo Goo Dolls, Vertical Horizon, and then and forever, The Foo Fighters” which just makes me want to pinch his little ginger cheeks and then self-immolate in front of an Urban Outfitters.

Why should we listen to Ke$ha?

Ke$ha represents everything that’s great about pop music and pop culture in general.  She’s the total package of over-produced, extra-catchy, self-consciously trashy splendor.  Is her “I Don’t Give a Fuck” attitude a total made up show?  Yes, of course.  But it’s an awesome show where she ends up with Twitpics of her and T-Pain snuggling and covered in money. 

Also I bet she’s pretty good at making out.

Is the air more pungent in Colorado or California? Also, is it really that hard to breathe in Colorado?

In Boulder, which is where I grew up, I wouldn’t describe the air as pungent, in general.  For the most part it’s very clean and crisp.  In the fall and winter, when it’s cold but sunny, it feels like the air could cure cancer.  It’s amazing.  However, there is this awesome/gross phenomenon that I wish I could explain except for I don’t understand the weather where when it’s going to snow the wind starts bringing in air from the north, specifically from Greeley, and then it smells terrible because in Greeley they have lots and lots of cows.  But I’d say on most days the air is more pungent in Los Angeles.

As for hard to breathe?  Yeah, that’s a real thing.  You probably wouldn’t notice it unless you decide to go for a jog or a hike or something (OMG do people in Colorado love to go for hikes!) in which case you will probably start to feel like an 80 year old with emphysema because yeah, it’s hard to breathe.  More importantly, though, is that high altitude means you get drunk faster.  Score one for Colorado!


Have you been to Red Rocks?

I have been to Red Rocks on many occasions.  I saw Tori Amos there when I was in high school and I felt very like, empowered and stuff.  Also Weezer.

Whatever happened to Mandy Moore?

Maybe she got cancer.

What kinds of other hi-jinks happen at “the staircase”?

I don’t work at the staircase anymore, but when I did any type of hi-jinks usually involved me making everyone watch a Ke$ha video or playing the Ignition Remix every Friday.  Sometimes people brought donuts or beer, but not usually.

As a child, did you ever have a desire to act like an adult or at least, converse with your parents’ friends on an adult level?

I hope they’re not embarrassed by me saying this, but I feel like growing up my parents didn’t really *have* that many friends.  I did always feel an impulse to impress my friends’ parents, though, by being smarter and funnier and cooler than their kid.  I think most of them liked me and thought I was a good influence even though I secretly just wanted to go to parties and kiss boys.  

What are three podcasts that everybody should listen to?

This is the easiest question ever since there are literally only 3 podcasts I listen to.

#1 My Brother, My Brother & Me.  I’m obsessed with advice columns and advice seekers in general.  Usually I just read the questions but this podcast where the McElroy brothers take questions and give terrible advice is the most hilarious part of my week.

#2 Uhh Yeah Dude. This podcast has been on for years but I only discovered a few months ago when I read (embarrassing fact #5) a rollingstone.com piece about comedy podcasts.  I like it first and foremost because it’s hilarious but I also like that they’re based in L.A. so I can fantasize about somehow infiltrating the bond between the two hosts, Jonathan & Seth, and getting to hang out with them.  They bill the show as “America through the eyes of two American Americans” — it’s news and comedy and just makes me feel safe, you know?

#3 Mike & Tom Eat Snacks: Michael Ian Black and Tom Cavanaugh eat snack foods and banter.  That’s all you need to know.  That’s all there *is* to know.

Who left the cake in the rain?

Milli Vanilla?