Silly Questions For Smart People - Chris Hauselt

After a wet and wild spring break, Silly Questions for Smart People is back! In this week’s installment, we catch up with one of my favorite Tumblr/Twitter people, Chirs Hauselt and talk about drinking on the job, wizard sleeves and the greatest band that doesn’t exist. For more from Chris, please check out his Tumblr and Twitter

The book I’m currently reading:

The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler

I want to live in this version of  LA just like I want to live in 1950’s NYC and 2080 Minsk.


Three books that mean a lot to me:

The Sirens of Titan, Kurt Vonnegut  - SciFi made me imaginative.
The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald - Gatsby made me romantic and jaded.
Behold A Pale Horse, William Cooper - This guy just made me a paranoid teenage nut.


Do you think environmentalists will ever protest bookstores since you know, books kill trees? Also, don’t you think environmentalist is just a fancier word for hippie?

I am from New Jersey so, naturally, I became a garbageman.. It was there, on the back of a truck, picking up rich people’s garbage every day, that I decided that recycling was bullshit. Oh, and I read this article out of someone’s trash. (http://www.nytimes.com/1996/06/30/magazine/recycling-is-garbage.html) We would collect all this glass and plastic and cardboard and paper and give it to recycling plants for free. There was no money being made or if there was it was all from government subsidies to recycling companies started by friends of politicians. Then, after we would dump it onto their sorting floor, they would pile it up in pretty piles and it would sit there, never to be recycled. There was too much rubber and not enough playgrounds to grind it up into  So instead of sitting in a landfill, my Teas’ Tea sits in it’s own pile until it gets carted off to somewhere like Ohio. Sorry Ohio. So, will environmentalists, which IS just another word for hippie, protest books? Probably not. Electronics are the new evil. This has been Rush Limbaugh, goodnight. Sigh.



Has the world really gone crazy or does it just need a refill of its meds?


Meds? Can you get me diazepam?


Should drinking on the job be encouraged in this day and age or is it a strictly Friday thing?

I happen to have a work situation where I am often called upon to tipple on a regular basis. Tipple is a synonym for “drink”, by the way, and is not a merging of the words “tit” and “nipple.” That being said, I DO think that drinking on the job should be encouraged. It loosens people up and gives you a chance to weed out all the drunks who can’t handle it. Plus, office sex. Amirite? Ladies? Guys? Amirite?

Sigh.



Are you superstitious?

I am not very superstitious, really. I have a Cute Overload page-a-day calendar at my desk at work and I routinely skip ahead to see what adorable little piece of shit animal is waiting for me on the other side of the weekend. My coworkers flip out about it and I am all like, “What are you? Amish? Is this your Rumspringer? Get out of my office so I can look at Advice Dog and Pokedads in peace, please.”


Is dick slapping your game?

I am a bit a of a dick slapper. I like all forms of inappropriate friend-touching. I think I need the awkward feelings to survive.


What happened to Metallica?

Somewhere along the line they fulfilled the Rock and Roll dream that caused them to form a band and it all just became a business to them. I never was into that music though. I grew up on The Clash and Black Flag. My brother used to lay in his bedroom and listen to Suicidal Tendencies, banging his head along to music. Now, it seems like a scary image and a symptom of mental illness gone unnoticed, but back then…man…it was the cooolest.


How great is the band, Sex Vid?

Sex Vid is the music that made me love music when I was 16.

Also, there is no Sex Vid. Please stop talking about Sex Vid.


What’s your ideal soundtrack for a perfect summer Saturday afternoon?

My friends and I are all music Nazis and spent years fighting over playlist and stereo control. I got over it and am pretty easygoing when it comes to Summer beach jams. If California Soul is on there, everything is alright. This Summer, Deezle.tumblr.com and I are going to try and bring some of that West Coast Tumblr vibe over here to NYC and listen to some dubstep and shit. Slow our rolls a little bit.

Should there be a law against people covering the Beatles or DJs playing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”?

Yes. In fact, I was disappointed that Barack didn’t tackle that first. For shame, Mr. President. For. Shame.


Isn’t a Philly Chicken Cheesesteak Sandwich sort of a waste of bread and cheese?

God I hate Philadelphia so fucking much.


Is it possible to get great BBQ in New York City?

It IS. I would say without trepidation that NYC now has some of the best BBQ in the COUNTRY, and Iam overwieght  and lived in Kentucky for 4 years so I obviously know my shit.


Wizard Sleeve or Wisest Wizard:

You sandbaggin sonofabitch. Why did you make me google “Wizard Sleeve?” Nobody google that. Fuck.

Wisest Wizard fo’ sho.


Bagel or Flagel:

Bagel. What are you, Amish?


Ken Cosgrove or Harry Crane:

Ken Cosgrove was published in The Atlantic Monthly. All Harry Crane has done was fuck a secretary, knock up his wife and fake his way into a drummed up title. Bah.


When will overweight men dressed up as old ladies stop being funny?


Probably never. If it does, my future looks a little less bright.


Hey, why didn’t we hang out more when I visiting New York a couple of months ago?

I have no idea. I think the notion of having Internet Friends is still kind of new and scary to me. I could/should have met Jim_Rock when I was in California last month but I blew it. I am more comfortable with those notions now, so I don’t think it will be a problem in the future. A/S/L?

See? Getting better already!

Name five people who should answer a similar set of questions:

Deleteyourself
Alex Blagg
goldenfiddle
peggyann
alextypical

What’s the secret?

The secret is to always act like you are supposed to be doing what you are doing. If you just act cool, you can do anything.